| “I see around me a professional disease of taking everything too seriously. One of my secrets is to joke all the time.”- awesome quote from the design museum
"And according to the government, reproduction itself isn't just for
girls -- it's for women of practically all ages, from menarche to
menopause, all of whom should start taking folic acid and treating
themselves as "pre-pregnant"
regardless of whether they have any intention of having children soon
or ever! Because we all owe it to our unborn and possibly
never-to-be-born children to treat our bodies as if they might at any
moment achieve their highest calling by becoming holy vessels of birth.
Women looking for an effective response to these new government
guidelines might consider voting against assholes in future elections."
- salon.com
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| From one of my favorite websites, McSweeney's
SITUATIONS IN WHICH I WOULD BE WILLING TO DIE A PREMATURE DEATH.
BY ZHUBIN PARANG Situation Number 7.
I am a soldier stationed in Iraq,
on a special mission to protect the president during one of his
surprise visits to Baghdad.
As I walk alongside him, I notice an IED a
few feet away, and immediately realize it's about to detonate.
I hurl
my body in front of the president, just in time to absorb the brunt of
the explosion.
As I lie on the ground, my blood draining out of
numerous wounds,
the president, with tears in his eyes, asks me if
there's anything he can do to repay me for my sacrifice.
I softly
whisper, "Tell the world what a terrible mistake this war was,"
and
then I die, leaving him with an uncomfortable PR dilemma. |
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| -Coworker leaning on office door: Hey, have you seen John*?
(Horse puppet appears peeking from under John's desk.)
-Horse puppet: John's not here right now. Can I take a message?
-Coworker, slowly backing out of office: Uh... http://www.overheardintheoffice.com/archives/003343.html
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